14 months ago, I became a mother, and the sleepless nights began. Every other baby I know has gone on to sleep through the night, but not my son. He gets up at least 3 or 4 times a night, and frequently gets up 5 or 6 or even 7 or 8 times a night. He wakes screaming and it can take more than an hour for him to go back to sleep. (I learned the hard way that if you leave him in the crib, he’ll just keep crying.) And sometimes he’ll just be awake–wide-awake–for a long time, like last night, when he was up for close to two hours.
I’m not writing to complain. Though I’ve noticed the perpetually dark circles under my eyes, and though some mornings I have to drag myself out of bed, and though some nights I get super mad at him (like last night, where I finally said, in a firm, almost cruel voice, ”Play time is over, my friend,”), I’ve learned to deal.
In fact, recently, I decided to use that time to write. Obviously, I can’t write write. But I can write in my head. I can think about my current novel-in-progress and work out plot problems. Or think about my dreams (which are dramatic and spell-binding and memorable, especially since they get interrupted in media res) and how they could translate into a story. I’ve never been the type of writer who would drag myself out of bed at 3 a.m. to write because I had to get an idea down, but now I’m dragged out of bed most nights at 3 a.m. so at least I can think about things, and then take notes come morning.
I’ll let you know if it works.
Rehearsal time – brilliant.
I was glad to hear you are not letting him cry it out. Everyone has their own ways to be a parent, but I really clicked with the way sometimes referred to as “attachment parenting.” Might make some people cringe. But I see the whole parent child relationship as building trust and response-ability. If the parent responds, then the child will learn to respond back. If the parent ignores, then a deadened-area is built in the child where they are not responded to. That is the way I see it.
Just had to share that.
Cirrelda, no, I could never do cry it out. But when he was 9 months old, we tried to night wean him, and even though my husband was in there trying to soothe him, the night he cried for five hours straight, I said, “Enough.” Now, at 15 months, I’m night weaning him again. He’s doing some crying but we’re there to comfort him and he’s ready now, in a way he wasn’t at 9 months. I agree, parenting is about responding, not ignoring, and responding builds trust, and building trust is about a lifelong relationship. Parenting is definitely not about getting a child to fit your convenient schedules and patterns…at least, that doesn’t work for me! Thanks for sharing your thoughts….