I have a babysitter I love but sometimes she gets sick or needs a day off; unfortunately, I still have to work on those days or I get behind. So yesterday, I put an ad on care.com for a backup babysitter.
This morning, it occurred to me that I didn’t see any guys seeking jobs on that website. Why not? Couldn’t a man be a great babysitter? My favorite babysitters when I was a kid were all guys.
I want to believe that I am not sexist, that just as women should be able to have any job they want to have, and receive equal pay for it, men should be able to do the same. And yet, I probably wouldn’t hire a male babysitter. It has nothing to do with a man’s inability to do a good job. Rather, my first thought would be, “Is he a pedophile?” And even if there was no evidence that he was a pedophile, and even with a criminal background check (all of which care.com provides), I wouldn’t risk it.
Of course, I will be extremely careful about any of the (female) babysitters I hire. But I find it sad that this is my first reaction. And I don’t think I’m alone. We have now embraced the stay-at-home dad, the male nurse, and other men entering so-called “female” professions. So why are we so suspicious of a man who might legitimately enjoy being around children and who might enjoy working in a daycare or being a babysitter? Are there really that many pedophiles running around?
this same problem exists in other areas where we accept women as “safer” around children then men. i was reminded of this when i taught middle grade, and again later as a bookseller. yeah, a bookseller. i worked for a large book retail chain who wouldn’t put it in writing but passed word along to management that men were not to be assigned to the children’s section or at the very least not without a female employee present.
the problem is that, for a predatory pedophile, occupations that put them in the vicinity of children without close supervision are giant lures they cannot resist. this in turn creates the social image of all men as problems, which in turn keeps a lot of men away from these professions.
i knew one great young high school history teacher who in his first year teaching had a female student with a crush on him. he duly told his principal and coworkers of the problem and she was carefully counseled (with parental participation) in order to avoid any issue or embarrassment. but the situation so stressed him out that he could no longer teach; he began to fear the situation happening again, imagining future students falsely accusing him of advances. (n.b. this happened in california shortly after a number of daycare workers at a preschool had been falsely accused and prosecuted as sex offenders). he quit teaching after that first year and never went back.
the problem is one of perception, and because the perception is that this is a male problem it only takes a few high profile cases to make the public fear all males as possible pedophiles. it’s really no different than my inlaws who are afraid to go to NYC because of all the crime they see on TV shows like CSI:NY.
sadly, i think we make for ourselves individual prisons of our fears. caution, concern and due diligence are always required in the world, but in the end when a choice is viewed as a calculation of risk then you’ve already bought into the fear.
Really excellent response, David. I’d like to believe that if I saw a male babysitter, I’d take a good look but literally, I see *no* males listed on the site. (A friend tells me that male au pairs are not uncommon, but, ahem, I can’t *afford* an au pair!)
It is sad that a few bad apples make certain careers psychologically impossible for some people. I wonder if there’s a solution?