Archive for the 'homeless' Category

Youme Landowne: Creating a Safe Place to Talk About Hard Things

Youme Landowne is the author and illustrator of the picture book Selavi (That is Life): A Haitian Story of Hope (Cinco Puntos Press), which tells the true story of how street children came together in Haiti to create their own family and home despite difficulties they encountered. She is also the co-author and illustrator with Anthony Horton, of Pitch Black (Don’t be Skerd) (Cinco Puntos Press), a graphic novel that recounts the story of a homeless artist that Youme met in the New York subway. Anthony Horton takes her deep into the underground tunnels that he calls “home” and shows her his art and tells her about his lifelong search for belonging.

Youme’s newest book, Mali Under the Night Sky: A Lao Story of Home (due out Summer 2010), continues to explore what it means to lose one’s home. In this story, Youme tells the true story of a young Lao girl who, though she becomes a refugee, keeps her home in her heart no matter where she goes.

I talked to Youme this month about what it’s like to write about social issues for children and teenagers (and adults!), and how she balances hope with reality. Below is the transcript of our interview.

Jessica: All of your books have been about homelessness in some way. Why are you so fascinated with the topic?

Youme: I think it has to do with the questions I have about the world. Really, we all have a home—our home is our body on the planet. But there’s the central question of how could anyone not have a home, how could we as humans keep each other from what we need? Of course, hunger is even more fundamental than that, but from my own experience if we have a base, we can get what we need, but if we don’t have a base, there’s no foundation for getting what we need. I think I’m trying to explore the idea that we’re responsible for ourselves and at the same time we’re responsible for each other.

For Mali [in Mali Under the Night Sky], she knows that her home is with her even when she’s not there—and that her strength comes from everything that was her wonderful home when she was there. Honestly, she’s 39 and she still gets her strength from that childhood home and what it has meant to her all her life.

For Tony, in Pitch Black, he never had something that he could call home. The place he’s been the longest is the tunnels in New York. He has several locations he can camp out in, he knows people, the streets of  New York are the closest he has to home and he knows it well, but it is still not home.

[My stories seem to explore those areas] between the strength of coming from a strong home, and having to leave it, or coming from nothing and having to build it. In my family, I had people who had to leave their countries, and people who stayed in one place for a long time, and from both of those experiences, I learned the value of home.

 My big question for the world is, “How much power do we have and how much power can we share?” For children especially, they have a lot of power, and they’re often very vulnerable, so I often think about the bravery of children

It’s not that I feel powerless. I write about homelessness because I want us all to look at our own power, understanding how we, as children and adults, create home in whatever situation we’re in. I remember reading the book Our House is a Car Right Now—that one definitely had the idea that we make home, the idea that if somebody tells you your situation is bad, you might believe it. Instead, you can work together to get a better situation for everyone.

Some of my strongest influences [growing up] were books that said you are as responsible for the way you view things as what anybody tells you. There’s a book about a caterpillar who thinks he’s a mustache (Hubert the Caterpillar who thought he was a moustache) and everybody laughs at him, but he doesn’t give in and he ends up in a dark place; when he comes out, he thinks he’s an eagle and he is happy (the illustration shows a butterfly on a flagpole). He’s ready to believe in himself.

I was making books before I knew how to write or read. I drew about the author pages and eventually wrote blurbs and reviews on the backs. Books were a place I could go when I didn’t feel safe in the world, they were a sort of home for me—and when I came out, I felt better, more informed, more meditative. A book is a public and a private place; a story is a place where everyone has a home even if it’s just the length of the story.

Jessica: Let’s talk about your first book, Selavi, which tells the story of how a group of street children started their own homeless shelter in Haiti and eventually started their own radio station by and for children. How did you get the idea for that book?

Youme: I was looking for a story about a group of heroes rather than an individual hero story. Though the story still ended up focusing on the character Selavi, my goal was to show how [the children could not have created the shelter] without all of them [working together], and I think the same is true for making a home.

I heard someone from the radio station speak at a fundraiser in U.S. about the shelter in Haiti and I said, “I want to interview you,” and the journalist said, “You can come to Haiti and interview the children at the radio station, it’s not that far away.” So the first time I visited, I stayed at the shelter, and I had a sketch of the story, and it was my graphic version of whole history of Haiti, starting with the native people, kind of visually showing how the land had been over-farmed for sugar so that things wouldn’t grow, etc, trying to get all the roots which grew into the radio station, the children and the shelter. The children looked at it and said, “This is good but you can do better.” With the next version, they said, this is better, but it should be funnier.” (That is a lesson I take to heart!)

I often think about metaphors, and how the relationship we have with one individual is similar to the relationships we have with a community, or a nation. I wanted to talk about all of Haiti’s history for that reason.

There was one researcher who was there at the time, when I first went, and he published a short paper saying that Selavi [my book] glorifies what was a terrible situation. And I wrote back to him, asking him to engage about that, and I never heard from him. I guess what I want to say is that there were a lot of terrible things going on at that shelter, and at the same time, a lot of incredible things were happening. So as storytellers, I am aware that I am making choices about what parts of the story I am going to tell.

 Jessica: What do you think children understand about homelessness? What do they take away from your books, or what do you hope they take away from your books?

Youme: I think every time a child leaves their house and goes out into the world to school, or to an unknown place, they’re potentially thinking, ‘Where am I allowed to be? Where am I comfortable?’ They have an appreciation and an understanding for what it can be like to not be in control of their housing . When we say homelessness, we’re often  talking about going more than a week without a house–sometimes it’s one night, sometimes it is several years, and those are all very different experiences. When I talk to students about Selavi, I ask them, “How many people here have ever had the feeling when you stay over at someone’s house that they wish you weren’t there? Did you feel at home or homesick? What have people done to let you know it really is o.k. to be there?”

Many children when they leave to go to school don’t have the safety of their home around them anymore. Conversely for some children, school is the only “safe” they encounter. I think I’m a little bit obsessed with questions about risk and safety. Where is safe? And even in unsafe situations, how can we be as safe as possible? What’s in our control as children, as adults? Not that we shouldn’t take risks but how can we assess our risks, and nurture ourselves from a place of strength? A lot of people who have faced risks have been put in a social category of “damaged” and with homelessness, there can be an internalized stigma. Tony in Pitch Black doesn’t know if he’s ever going to emotionally be able to stay in one place, because he’s never done it or built up a community of people who would encourage him to do it.

So yes, I think children have a particular understanding of homelessness and also an understanding of power dynamics because they’re not in charge of whether they have a house, it’s the people around them that are. Everything comes from home, and what we experience. For some reason, all my books have dealt with home in some way.

I’ve met some librarians and teachers that say that they don’t know how to read Selavi to children—I think because they don’t see the hope, they only see the hard parts. The first page is very hard and it can be hard to get past that first page, and the page where they talk about how they lost their families is incredibly hard.

But I’ve read it to all ages of children. I ask questions as I go (which makes some audience members impatient), but it is important for me to get a sense of that particular audience. Sometimes I talk about the pictures as a way of working through the more challenging words.

What continues to be important is that the children in Haiti had these experiences and lived through them. They knew about wealthy children hearing from their parents that ‘street children’ weren’t good children because they were poor, and the children didn’t want other children being taught that. They would ask, “Why do adults teach children things like that?” I guess I like to examine those things. It’s important to me to speak truthfully and honestly about my experience but also to speak hopefully. Life is all of our responsibility together, not just one person. It seemed like in the 80s, there was a trend of stories putting pressure and responsibility on children without giving them tools or access to respond to social and environmental concerns. I can see that came out of a time period of books and education when children were being told that there were problems in the world and children were responsible to make it a better world. Like, clean up your world, it’s not going to last much longer unless you clean your room and go lobby the government and I know you don’t have money as a child but it’s your responsibility. I also had role models of children who did make a difference in their communities and in the world. I am happy to say that there are more stories out there now about children being listened to. Children’s authors are as much as anyone are trying to bring hope into the world. But it seemed like [during the 70s and 80s], there was a trend to talk about difficult things without empowering children.

Jessica: I get frustrated with picture books that talk about social issues. It seems to me that they present only half the picture. Like any children’s writer, I believe in presenting hope to children. I can’t live without it myself so why would I write something that lacks it altogether? Yet at the same time, for every child that’s rescued from a terrible situation (like domestic violence), there are several kids who live all their lives in its shadow. For every kid who ends up in a good foster care home, there are dozens that end up in foster care homes that are as bad as, or worse than, the home they left. How do we talk about these things in children’s books—particularly picture books? I feel like we usually ignore the difficult side of these stories when we write for children. It feels like we lie to them. I suppose if we talked about these things the way they really are, nobody would publish them.

Youme: I get where you’re coming from and it’s telling what publishers won’t touch. We live in a system where some of these things are perpetuated and that system is not designed to support a change. There’s a book I heard about years ago called White Woman Social Worker, and it was introduced with the argument that the social worker system was designed not only to alleviate the problem but to maintain the structure within which the problem exists. We have to comfort each other if we’re going to make it through a day. We also have to challenge each other if we’re going to make it through a day. Can we comfort and challenge at the same time? I’ve been very grateful that I have had support in attempting that in my books. Cinco Puntos (an independent smaller publisher) has provided a vehicle for my stories to reach a wider audience.

That open-endedness that I was criticized for by larger publishers now seems to be one of my strengths. For example in Pitch Black, in all of my books actually, I don’t end saying that it’s all okay. I say that the strength of the people in that situation made it better than it was before.

Jessica: What about Pitch Black? It’s so much grittier and stark than Selavi. Have you read that to young children?

Sixth graders in New York is the youngest I’ve read that to and many of them had a brother or a cousin or an uncle or a father who’s been in that situation.

An 8-year-old friend of mine picked the book up and his mom encourages him to read everything. He read it, he was pretty quiet afterwards, and I asked him, “Do you think it was too old for you?” and he said, “Yes, I think maybe it was.” We talked about it. He recognized that it was a sad story and a hard story. On the other hand, I’ve read Selavi to kindergarteners.

Part of the reason of doing the books is to create a safe place to talk about hard things. I’m not sure where I got my “don’t tie it up neatly” sensibility, probably from the world, which doesn’t tie things up neatly. Maybe because of a desire for the very thing that you’re talking about—not to lie to children. We look for the success stories because we know we need success, we need to visualize it in order for it to happen. I don’t know if we can give hope to one another. I sort of feel like stories can help create a space where people can remember it in themselves, though I don’t think that’s the same thing as giving hope. So it’s part of why stories are so powerful.

This is going to be the central contradiction in my life and work—I’m optimistic because I can’t live with the alternative. I know that entropy is part of the world. I love biology, and I realize that everything is falling apart all the time. I don’t think there’s a separation between destructive and life-giving forces, they’re happening at the same time. At the same time, there’s something in me that knows if I don’t find a way to feel good in this moment, I’m contributing to feeling bad at some level. A lot of people tell me I’m not realistic. I expect the people that I meet to be brilliant and shining and open and I find that they are more times than not. People tell me I’m too open, I know I can be annoying and unrealistic and yes, sometimes even offensive—but I guess I’ve tried the alternative and it is against my nature. It’s strange because I write about things that some people find very negative but I’m dazzled by the human response to a challenge and I want everyone to learn from that. So I don’t see the children in Selavi as “those poor kids.” I see them as brilliant and very strong kids that have something that the world needs to learn from.

Jessica: I like what you said just now, that “part of the reason of doing the books is to create a safe place to talk about hard things.” Can you talk about that a little bit more? 

Youme: I believe humans are communicating beings. Even if one of us doesn’t have have another person to talk to, we can have the conversations with ourselves and with one another’s ideas by reading a book. Even beyond words, when I’m making a composition of the page, I’m thinking beyond the frame of the page. I’m definitely thinking about what’s happening outside the world of the book. So the book is a conversation and if the stories and images can help somebody talk to someone about what is important to them, maybe to voice a question they may have thought needed to stay hidden, then our story continues together in the world.

Part of my motivation for writing Selavi, (before I realized how little books make), was to help raise money for the radio station and programs in Haiti and the U.S. that support listening to children. I didn’t realize that I could have written a letter and gotten more money and resources in a few months than I raised in the seven years it took to get Selavi published. But writing the book was about mobilizing love and attention for Haiti, a counter voice to negative stories about Haiti. I was motivated to publish because I thought it would be useful to more people than just myself. And it furthers a conversation that otherwise people might not know how to begin. I find that a lot of adults don’t know how to start that conversation. People ask, “What age is it for?” For me, picture books are for people reading together—for the parents, grandparents, friends reading to their children and babies.

I feel like we can’t talk about homelessness without talking about the racism and classism, the systems that our country (or other countries) have institutionalized…I grew up in a culturally diverse community and I wanted to make books that would reflect appreciation for diversity—I knew children who didn’t see themselves in books and I wanted to expand our public dialogue. There’s a kind of homelessness that can exist even when you have a home. One of my favorite teachers Sekou Sundiata, a poet, said “We are all homeless in time.”

I think it was hard to be a child a hundred years ago, and it will be hard to be a child a hundred years from now. All children’s books are about social issues. I really mean that we all write and draw about things that are important to us. Quite a lot of children’s books are about children losing things….In a way, we’re always telling our children, “Bad things can happen and you can be okay.” A friend of mine who works for Amnesty tells me that her child’s favorite page in Selavi is the one where the police officers are staring at all the children. A six year old I know likes the page where a police officer is pushing Selavi out of the way. Maybe there isn’t enough social space for children to address confrontation because we don’t want them to be scared, or we don’t want to be scared ourselves. I seek a balance.

I have been a muralist and community artist for most of my career. There was one project for a lead safehouse, a temporary shelter for families poisened by their own apartments’ lead paint. They wanted to paint about that but when we went over it, they realized the mural needed to be 80% positive because they didn’t want to be looking at tragedy every day.

One thing I find when people ask me why I write the stories that I write—what I love about children’s books is that we’re never supposed to have just one book. We’re not supposed to have just one story. It’s the most equitable society that I could find, even though it isn’t—many people aren’t getting published who should be—but for me, the world of stories is aware that we are enriched by diversity, and that we benefit from more stories. The more stories the better, the more voices, the more ears, the better.

When people think about the word “Selavi”—That is life—they often think of it as a negative saying. It cannot be helped, it is not fair, live with it–“that’s life” when it’s something negative. But life is also the sharing and the helping each other. I like to remind people that life is hard but it’s also absurdly wonderful and inspiring. And that is life too!

 

 

 

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Justice in an Unjust World

South Africa houseLast May, while I was traveling around South Africa, a relatively new Christian told me the story of his salvation. He knew God was real and God was good the day God gave him a beautiful house at a price that was substantially below market value; the person who was selling it cheap had fallen on hard times and needed to get rid of it pronto.

“Isn’t it screwed up that you’re thanking God that somebody else has fallen on hard times?” I asked.

I don’t think he understood my unstated point: that a gift from God for one person should not represent injustice or hard times for another person. Even if we assume that the person who had fallen on hard times made bad decisions about their finances, can we really give God credit for our ability to, vulture-like, swoop in when the pickin’ is good?

Such logic leads to genocide.

Such logic has led to genocide, many, many times in history.

*** 

 

underground railroad

The first book I remember reading by myself was a biography of Harriet Tubman, an African American slave who not only escaped slavery herself but became known as “Moses” because she returned to the South over a dozen times and helped over seventy slaves escape to freedom. I was absolutely captivated by the phrase, “the Underground Railroad.” I imagined a literal railroad carved out of rock, deep underneath the earth’s surface, with poor, tattered slaves creeping along in the dark, only a candle to light their way to freedom.

Perhaps because that book represented a pivotal turning point in my education—the ability to read by myself—it also shaped my political and social consciousness. The first novel I wrote as an 11-year-old was the story of a young woman trying to help a slave escape on the Underground Railroad. As an adult, I’ve spent years of my life in graduate school, studying African history. Justice for people of color worldwide has been one of my abiding political concerns. I am bitterly aware of the privilege of my white skin, just as I’m bitterly aware of the disadvantages I face due to my gender.

(As a caveat to the conservatives who read my blog: I don’t believe the government to be a panacea to the social ills of our time. But it is obvious to me that injustice is built into the very fabric of our society, and thus into the warp and weave of every bureaucratic and religious institution and every policy that our government espouses. As a result, I don’t think we can create a solution without addressing it from a political and religious standpoint. This doesn’t mean that I believe the solution should be top-down—government forcing the people to do something that’s not in their heart to do. God, no. I HATE INSTITUTIONS. Plus, I am a firm believer in grassroots movements for social change, from the people on up. But the very point of democracy, and of grassroots change, is that at some point, we must change institutional structures as well—from governments to churches to schools. Anyway, that was a little diversion to my main subject today….)

As I’ve grown older, my concept of justice has grown increasingly complicated. I’ve come to recognize that righting the wrongs of the past so that the future can be more equitable might mean that a lot of Americans—white people, wealthy people of all colors, and, ah yes, even the educated middle-class, which includes me—will have to give up things they currently enjoy. Yes. Among many other changes, justice will definitely mean that we in the U.S. will need to give up our boats, extra cars, and expensive vacations and spend more money on groceries, on housing, on other things.

My preference, of course, is that we could right the wrongs of the past without anybody currently living having to suffer. But I’m not sure that’s possible. It’s not exactly that I believe a lot of people must lower their standards of living in order for the very most poor to be able to raise their standards of living. But I don’t think it’s possible for those of us in western nations to continue to ignore the fact that our wealth is based on our power; and our power comes at the expense of other people’s power which, ultimately, leads to their poverty. A person in India or China or Mexico who is hungry and living in a cardboard shack on the side of the hill will not say, “I demand a fair, living wage.” No, they will take what they can get, and so we continue to pay millions of workers worldwide a non-livable wage so that we can get our cheap products. “It’s better than nothing” is the basic attitude that supports our ongoing economic oppression of the global south. Of course it’s better than nothing. But it’s not enough, and we who have too much need to take Jesus’s words to heart: “The worker is worthy of his wage.”

050328_arizona_mexico_vmed_widecTo right the global wrong of structural social and economic inequality will mean a dramatic decline in the material wealth of western, developed nations. Morally speaking, we cannot continue the system of demanding cheap labor that keeps millions poor around the world just so that we can enjoy cheap products. Morally speaking, I don’t see how middle-class whites in America can ignore the fact that every day, we still enjoy the benefits of slavery—and that millions of people of color still suffer because of it. Is it such a mystery that the worst schools in the nation are also in the ghettos, which were created by systematic racism that crowded people of color into small, crappy neighborhoods so white society could keep races segregated?

To stop oppressing people, we will have to give up some of our power and some of our wealth—and that will feel like suffering to a lot of people, even if it’s really not.

 ***

 When I look at the global injustices, I quickly get bogged down with a what to do what to do panicky kind of feeling. The question I always ask is this: What is my individual responsibility to right global wrongs?

This morning, I received an email from a friend that had me asking another question about justice, one that represents a moral conundrum: What is my individual responsibility to right global wrongs when doing so may hurt another person?  

In other words, where does justice begin and end?

My friend asked me whether she should sacrifice her career by staying silent about secrets she learned in the course of historical research, secrets that would shame an old woman and that woman’s children. Not revealing those secrets kills the basis of my friend’s argument in the monograph she’s writing. Revealing them allows her to explore important women’s issues within the context of religion. She wondered if she was serving the cause of justice by staying silent, in order to be merciful to this old woman and her children? Or was she furthering misogyny by staying silent? Which was it?

ZIMBABWE-ELECTIONS/My friend is faced with a perplexing problem: two different definitions of justice, the personal (keeping somebody’s secret so that they can keep their dignity) vs. the global (advancing the cause of feminism). Which cause is more important? Many people would sacrifice one woman’s dignity in order to serve what they see as a greater cause, women’s issues or some other Big Cause. And okay, serving a Big Cause is important. But are we really serving a Big Cause if we sacrifice one person’s dignity in order to do it?

It reminds me of those old Life Boat Questions: Should we sacrifice one person’s life in order to save a million?  

This is the logic of war, and it’s the logic of most political movements that advocate for one thing or another, but it’s a logic that leaves me cold. Its foundation is an either-or fallacy that fails to look for alternatives. Is it true that somebody must be sacrificed?  

So I ask myself, Is it true that Americans must suffer a decline in living standards in order for developing nations to rise up out of the mire and muck of poverty? Or am I setting myself up with a political either-or fallacy?

My friend’s email went further. One of her friends had recently died in Zimbabwe because medicine for her cancer wasn’t available, and now my friend was wondering whether she was possibly serving the cause for justice if she spent most of her time making meals for her family, making sure they were cozy and warm with a fire at night, books, an apple pie for dessert.

She is not asking a simple question. On the surface, it may appear that she’s asking whether, instead of living a life of American comforts and domestic bliss, she shouldn’t be out there working 80-100 hours a week to get justice for Zimbabweans. And yes, she is asking that. But she’s asking so much more. The average American can’t link their daily life to the poverty of an African nation…but my friend can. Because she’s studied African history, I know she sees the many and varied links that connect the wealth of the westernized global north, including individuals like you and me, to the impoverishment of the global south, like her Zimbabwean friend who died of cancer because the medicine wasn’t available in her country.

So even more than asking whether she should be devoting her intellectual and creative career to the fight for justice, she’s wondering whether the very basis of her domestically blissful life is inherently flawed.

townshipThis is her question: If my good fortune comes at the expense of another, is it really good fortune?

If we Americans enjoy access to cheap medicine and cheap goods, and as a result, we have policies that destroy individuals, families, and nations around the world, resulting in a Zimbabwean woman’s inability to buy medicine for her cancer….can we really say we have good fortune?

I will not entertain the simplistic and foolhardy argument that Zimbabwe’s problems are Zimbabwe’s problems alone. Is Mugabe a maniac running his country into the ground? Yes. But are Zimbabwe’s problems a result of Mugabe alone? No. When you look at the history of that country, the political and other problems of Zimbabwe are directly related to colonial policies put in place first by Great Britain, then by the European settlers, and then, post-independence, exacerbated and compounded and made worse by World Bank and IMF policies. In fact, when you look at the history of every single impoverished country, they all have a symbiotic relationship with a wealthy country like ours, always to their detriment.

 ***

(P.S. This is becoming a book and I just meant to write a simple blog post on justice. Ha!)

 ***

And as to this question, “If my good fortune comes at the expense of another, is it really good fortune?”…well, I don’t have a simple answer to that either.

Back to my opening anecdote about the Christian who thanked God for his new house, even though it represented hardship for another person, and my statement that such logic has led to genocide….

Genocide_sizedWhen Americans thank God for the U.S., for the freedoms we enjoy, I wonder if we would still be so grateful if we thought about the millions of Native American who were killed so we could “get” this land? Or if we thought about the lives that are currently being destroyed because of Native American policies we created long ago, destructive policies that have never been rectified, but which were part of the very basis of our getting this land?

I’m not trying to make an argument of “poor noble savage” against “rich greedy white capitalists.” I’m simply pointing out that it was wrong to kill millions of Native Americans 200 years ago, and that it is wrong that we still have policies that continue to impoverish millions of Native Americans by offering inferior education on the reservations and allowing the cycle of welfare to keep generations in its grip. It was wrong to enslave Africans 200 years ago, and it was wrong to create race-based ghettos a hundred years ago, and it’s wrong that we make only half-hearted efforts to change the situation today.

Is it really God acting on our behalf to give us a cheap house, cheap goods, cheap food, cheap cars…when millions of people worldwide work hard 50 or 60 hours a week to give us those cheap goods and cheap food and cheap cars but yet they still live in shacks and fail to have enough money to feed themselves and their families?

I’m full-circle back to the either-or fallacy: to change the system, to bring justice to millions worldwide, means some of us who have never suffered will have to suffer.

 

2-GodThe Old Testament disturbs me because it shows a God who would encourage his people, the Israelites, to commit genocide, and then “give them” the land they had just vacated through murder and mayhem.

I’ve never understood the logic of this kind of justice.

But.

This is the same God my friend was thanking when he said God had given him a cheap house.

This is the same God that Americans thank for giving them this land, despite the millions of lives that were sacrificed as a result.

This is the same God that Afrikaners thanked when they went to war to take land from Xhosas, Zulu, the Khoisan.

This is the same God that Mormons thanked when they came to Utah and massacred American-Indians and then took the land as theirs.

And is this the same God we continue to thank for our good fortune as Americans….? Is it really good fortune if it comes at the expense of millions of people worldwide? I would like to believe in a good and loving God but I can’t believe in the “good and loving” God that many American Christians define as being on their side and helping them get the things they both want and need….not when it comes at the expense of other people. Either that’s a fucked up God or those people are sadly, sadly mistaken—they call it “God” when it’s really injustice operating in their favor. (Ah, here we are, back to my either-or fallacy….Is there a third option?)

***

Daily, my emotional level is kept on a low simmer as I contemplate the multiple ways that American culture, lifestyle, and politics perpetuates poverty around the world. I feel overwhelmed every time I go to the grocery store and realize that, no matter what, shopping means that I’m participating in global oppression.

I realize I must eat, and that the grocery store is my only option as long as I live here….

Where does an individual begin, if he or she wants to right wrongs that exist on a global scale and that we all participate in?

And what does an individual like my friend do when they realize that it’s wrong to expose one woman’s shame in order to change a global injustice?

I wish I had an answer.

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Livin’ in Livermore

Right before I left for my research in South Africa, Chris and I bought a house in Livermore, California. Livermore is the farthest east community in the Bay Area–almost “country,” no longer completely urban the way San Bruno is. It’s the land of big trucks, big backyards, two and three car garages, boats, friendly neighbors, safe neighborhoods, and, sadly, people who voted “Yes” on Prop 8. (We’ll reverse it one of these days, hopefully soon.)

The more I live here, the more I like it. It takes ten minutes to walk to the inviting downtown, with its fountains, benches, cafes, bars, and donut shops. It’s another ten minute walk to make copies, send faxes, or mail books. Ten minutes to the downtown Catholic church, if I ever decide to go, and two minutes to an Episcopalian church, if I ever decide to go. We’ve got a Montesorri school half a mile away and the public school system here is at least acceptable. It’s a leeetle white bread for me, but that again depends on the neighborhood. Thankfully, Chris and I have plenty of Spanish speaking neighbors.

Chris has something of a commute from here, and he doesn’t like the traffic that starts at 6 a.m., so he’s started going to the gym at about 3 in the morning and leaving here by 5. This morning, he came back into the bedroom and woke me up.

“There’s some homeless dude sleeping on the sidewalk in front of our house.” Continue reading ‘Livin’ in Livermore’

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Another Homeless Kid

This afternoon, I was doing my usual Friday afternoon volunteering with homeless teenagers in the Haight-Ashbury district, San Francisco. A really nice kid I’d never seen before walked in, shook my hand as he introduced himself, was clean and neat, his hair cut nicely, his clothes freshly washed. Maybe eighteen or nineteen years old. Twenty at most. He ate quietly and politely and kept smiling at me. He just seemed like a really good kid. I like all the kids at Haight Street, with the exception of a few psychos I’ve met, but this kid seemed like an ultra wonderful kid, the kind you don’t meet very often on the streets. No hint of a mental illness. No hint that he came from a broken family, been thrown around in foster care homes, been broken by the system.

So maybe I’d already guessed his story when he told me he was gay.

“When was the last time you saw your parents?” I asked.

“Four years,” he said. ”They don’t, you know, approve. I’ve made myself scarce.” Continue reading ‘Another Homeless Kid’

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My Brother was Homeless…and other stories

Seven or eight years ago, I was walking in the University District in Seattle, and there he was, huddled in the doorway, his hair matted, toenails black.

My brother Matt. Continue reading ‘My Brother was Homeless…and other stories’

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Just Be Your Quirky Self

jessica-sexy-gun-model-2.gifI am reading Ariel Gore’s How to Become a Famous Writer Before You’re Dead because, of course, my daily angst is all about how I’m not a famous writer yet. It’s a great book. Read it. You can buy it directly from Ariel herself at Yo Mama’s Bookshop and she will make more money than if you buy it from Amazon or in your bookstore. That way, you are supporting your local artist (or not so local, if you don’t live anywhere near Portland) instead of the evil corporation that is, in this case, Three Rivers Press (a division of Random House, which is also my publisher, and WHOM I LOVE.) I love Ariel’s DIY philosphy which pervades every page of the book. She’s not saying, “Don’t go with the big presses,” she’s simply pointing out the myriad of ways (yes, Ariel, I used the word myriad!) to get your writing out into this world. 

Here’s my problem with books like this one: Now I want to be an anarchist! Now I want to create and print hip zines and declare my allegiance to the underworld! Now I want to become a radical feminist lesbian communist revolutionary and publish things that really change the world!

Only my problem is, I don’t know anybody in the underworld. Unless you count the homeless teenagers I work with every Friday afternoon in San Francisco’s Haight district.

And frankly, I’ve never been good at revolution: I was never into the punk scene; I have always been pretty straight (with some bi inklings on occasion, like when I kissed a girl on the neck and thought, “Wow, she smells really nice,” but that sure never flowered into full-on gay fruition); and unfortunately for my image, I never joined a revolutionary movement (but I am pretty damn sure I would look sexy in fatigues, holding a machine gun. SEE ABOVE & BELOW!). jessica-sexy-gun-model-copy.gif

I’m just this pacifist, who isn’t very radical about it though I kind of want to be; a truly terrible Catholic–at least, any conservative Catholic would be pretty much appalled by my viewpoints which I won’t list here for fear of appalling a number of conservative Catholics who read my blog regularly, but they’re probably all the things they’d guess at anyway, that anybody reading this would guess at; an advocate for immigrants and a lover of all things African except, of course, genocide and kleptocracies; recognized by some as a hippie, others as a lover of reggae & Afro-pop & indie music; and obsessed with studying liberation movements of all kind, especially those that link religion with Marxism, or religion with violent revolution.

Probably the weirdest thing about me is how much I like teenagers, whether they’re dorky, goth, depressed, cool, smart, not so smart, suicidal, druggies, pretend druggies, alternative, mainstream, artsy-fartsy, science-geek, etc etc so on and so forth. The only teenagers I don’t like are cheerleaders, which I have tried to get over so I could like Claire of save the cheerleader, save the world fame.

And that, of course, is all part of Ariel’s message in the end: just be your own quirky self, gravy stains on your T-shirt and all.

Yeah, so I guess I won’t be going the way of radical revolutionary anytime soon. But I am becoming a publisher, or rather, I have become a publisher, and I hope to venture into the world of ezines and zines in the next couple of months, and in the meantime, I keep writing my stuff for publication in traditional formats.

It’s all part of feeding the beast.

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Poverty & levels of inequality

A few years ago, I got myself into an uncomfortable argument with a graduate student who was a Communist sympathizer. This graduate student–we’ll call him Bill–had never traveled outside of the United States. But he kept insisting that the level of poverty experienced by Americans in urban areas was equal to or WORSE THAN the level of poverty experienced by people in India.

 Now, poverty is one of the issues I’m interested in and one of the conditions I’m interested in alleviating. Further, I have traveled to India–spent three months there in 1995–and so I knew, far better than Bill, that the level of poverty here in the United States cannot in any reasonable way be compared to the level of poverty in India. They are not even in the same league. Saying that the poorest of the poor in America are as poor as the poorest of the poor in India (excepting the chronically homeless who, I might point out, still have resources that the poorest in India completely lack) is kind of like saying that getting pricked by the head of needle is as painful as getting run over by a semi-truck.

I mean, come on. This guy’s ideology was so entrenched–he was so determined to insist that the U.S. and all its systems were completely and utterly evil–that he couldn’t look facts in the face. We all do that to some extent, but sometimes our ideology can lead us to making absolutely absurd statements.

Unfortunately, my insistence that the poverty experienced by poor Indians was far greater than the poverty experienced by poor Americans ruined our friendship.

This article reports that the UN recently found that some major U.S. cities, including New York & Atlanta, have levels of inequality that rival levels of inequality in some cities in Africa. While this doesn’t surprise me at all, I find the report misleading. What it doesn’t offer is the idea that when comparing the gap between levels of income, you can’t in any way indicate the relative nature of poverty that is actually occuring. In other words, the poorest families in the United States (excepting the chronically homeless) don’t come anywhere close to reaching the level of poverty experienced by the poorest families in African cities. This report merely says that a family in Atlanta that makes $12,000 a year compared to another family in Atlanta that makes $12 million a year has the same gap that a family in Joburg making $12 a year has in comparison to the family in Joburg making $1.2 million a year. The family in Atlanta making $12,000 a year has far more resources available to them with food stamps and welfare and other food banks than the family in Joburg making $12 a year. And the family in Atlanta is not living in a one-room, mud-floor shack built out of discarded boxes and sheets of metal, lacking clean sources of water or electricity, and without access to a sewage system.

So the disparity in income levels may be the same–but it doesn’t actually explain the poverty that is experienced by folks in Africa, which we in America do not experience (except, as noted before, in the case of the chronically homeless.) What would be really interesting to do is compare the level of poverty experienced by that family making $12 a year in Joburg with the level of poverty experienced by that family in Atlanta making $12,000 a year. This would be a more true and accurate picture of how people around the world actually experience poverty.

Now, having said all that, of course I find it horrific that the family in Atlanta does not have sufficient income to meet their needs. And having said that, I would like to say that I think it is as important to fix the problems with poverty here just as much as it’s important to fix the problems with poverty over there. And having said that, I would like to also say that naturally race is part of the reason why there is such a poverty gap in the U.S. and until we fix the racism that lingers in our various institutions and governmental systems and the people of America itself, we will never eradicate poverty in the U.S.

I just don’t think it’s very useful or helpful or honest to try to make comparisons that distort the true picture.

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AWOL and PTSD

Yesterday was my day to work with homeless youth in San Francisco. Over the past year since I’ve been working for them, I’ve been struck each time a former soldier comes through. I’m talking about young men who are 19 or 20 or 21 and have returned from Iraq with Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder, and now they are homeless. I notice them because they always have service dogs to help them with their panic attacks and other aspects of PTSD. I notice them, of course, because I’m a pacifist and, well, it doesn’t surprise me one little bit that war has damaged them. Many people, not just pacifists, argue that war damages everybody it touches, to lesser and greater extents, no matter if you believe or know you’re fighting on the “right” side. And these young men don’t seem to carry that assurance, even if they one time did.

Yesterday, I met a young man who has gone AWOL. I didn’t catch his entire story, though I wanted to hear more about it. It sounded like he had been to either Iraq or Afghanistan but that was the part I missed. I did hear that his brother was killed and two friends were killed in Iraq, and he was unwilling to be shipped back. So he deserted and he was on his way to Canada. It saddens me to no end to see a young man’s life end this way: hunted by the military now, but scared so shitless that being hunted by the army and living illegally in Canada is better than going back to Iraq. I saw one of those young men in Vancouver last Christmas–an Iraq war veteran, begging for money on the street. I know people have knee-jerk reactions to this subject and I’m not actually trying to force a particular opinion about the war here when I say it’s sad. A young person’s destroyed life–destoyed hopes, destroyed dreams–a young person who lives with this kind of fear every day: this is something that should be sad to anybody, no matter their position on the war.  

I’ve been unable to post as regularly as I’d like to lately. While I’m taking classes at Stanford this quarter, it’s kept me busier than I like, and it’s not possible to post regularly. But the end is in sight–only five weeks away. In the meantime, I’ve also posted another couple of blogs at Catalyst’s blog.

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How To Find a Squat & Other Lessons in Homelessness

This afternoon, I asked a couple of the homeless kids I work with how they find a squat. Because, well, I’d be lost if I found myself homeless, though I’m sure I’d learn fast. They told me that some cities are easier than others–New Orleans, for example, has a ton of abandoned houses so it’s easy to find someplace to live. San Francisco is apparently mediocre–not great, not bad either. They look for an abandoned building that has a hidden entrance of some sort, perhaps through the back or covered by leafy trees. They usually try to keep the entrance covered with a piece of wood or something so it looks boarded up. And they put black garbage bags over all the windows so nobody can see inside.

The best part of the description was their comments about how it needs to be in a “good” neighborhood, but a “good” neighborhood has a very different definition than what people-in-homes think of. One of the girls told me that she and her boyfriend were relieved the other night when they heard gunshots outside their squat and the police never came. That made it a “good” neighborhood.

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What You Leave in the Trash Can

A couple of months ago, I started shredding my rough drafts before I took them out to be recycled. I’m not sure why, exactly, except for this vague uneasy totally paranoid feeling that maybe somebody might steal my latest, almost completed novel Killing Isaac and somehow manage to get it published before I do, with their name attached instead of mine.

 Absurd, right?

Well, about four weeks ago, a man around the neighborhood who is a recovering addict  asked me for a couple of dollars so he could take the bus to a friend’s house. 

He was telling me how he had just gotten released from jail (a D.U.I.) but he was getting his life straight when he suddenly said, ”You’re a writer! I didn’t know that!” Continue reading ‘What You Leave in the Trash Can’

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